Saturday, October 18, 2008
What's up with this thing called life?
Why does it have to be so confusing and feel so meaningless sometimes? If my faith in God was weaker I would probably be pretty depressed. I mean I used to be pretty depressed for certain phases of my life in the past. Now it's more of just a lonliness and emptiness. I also feel like I'm starting to care a little less about things. I've been struggling lately with just how to connect with God. It seems like I make progress at this sometimes and then for some reason it also seems like I haven't at all. I don't really even know what it looks like to have a relationship with God. Of course I know what the benefits are, but what does it look like? What does it mean? How does it work? HOW DO I DO IT? When I pray it just feels like I'm talking to myself, but I don't want that to be a reason to quit. God is probably doing something I just don't understand at all. Last night though I was praying, just letting God know that I know he's there and I can be patient and I remembered something I had thought of earlier that day or the day before or something. It was really just a fundamental truth I had come to understand a couple years ago: Read the word. Obey it. Then you will understand. I'm not really sure what this really means for me right now. I mean I definitely agree with it being that simple, but even though it is simple it becomes more complex when you mix that formula with a human being. Plus, what if God is just being quiet in my life right now? Of course it doesn't hurt to try :) Also, maybe Satan is trying to bring me down, but I have no idea what that would be like really either. It's really frustrating trying to figure out what it even means to interact with things not even in the same realm as myself, but at the same time all around me...? People always say the more they come to understand about God, the more they realize that they don't really understand much. I definitely agree with that. I thought it was kind of a cool idea when I first heard it, but now I realize it's kind of frustrating, but maybe I just shouldn't worry about trying to understand so much. I just have to follow where God is leading me, eh? I have no idea where that is.
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1 comment:
Word. You bring up the idea that God may be purposefully silent right now. Sometimes when I've experienced that I've looked at it as a test from God. Him thinking "Okay I've taught you these things recently, let's see how well you do them without my direct help." Like a mother bird pushing the baby out of the nest to make it fly. It's a sense of being out on your own and having to choose to practice what you've been taught recently or revert back to the old way of doing things. Sometimes it's an interesting challenge.
I'm not saying that this is always the case or even your case. Sometimes it's exciting and sometimes it can be painful. I think you've got the right idea though, go back to the basics. God's Word is the most basic you can get so sounds like you've found a good place to start. :) Now to understand it ;)
GL buddy, I've got you on my prayer list.
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