Well let's see here...so SICM is pretty crazy in that it is pretty intense. It was a week of solid lecturing, discussion, and various other learning experiences although everything was touched on with much brevity. We have about an inch and a half to two inches of papers we received for the conference and took notes on them during the lectures, but probably 70 or 80% of the paper is just reference material that wasn't even covered. The biggest mistake a SICM graduate could make is not going through their binder at least once after they return home. Everything in there is extremely useful for helping to handle or do different things. You can tell the SICM staff has put a tremendous amount of time and effort into making all of the material for the class.
This was my second time to go to SICM and it was several times more beneficial for me than the first (probably about 100). They created some track two sessions for those of us who had been before so we didn't have to hear all of the same things over again and one of the topics we talked about was Spiritual Warfare. It was an interesting topic and it reminded me of how serious it is to watch out for demonic activity in my life. It's so easy to let Satan slowly take control of your actions if you aren't prepared to fight back. Thinking about this I realized that I had been affected by Satan the last SICM. I know it. Most of the week I felt a little depressed and this feeling grew stronger as the week progressed. By the time we had our "Body Life" session and had a huge worship night, I was just utterly confused and even doubting a lot of things. I was struggling with how my relationship with God didn't really seem existant. I have a note that I wrote to God during Body Life two years ago and I'll share parts of it to show my point:
"God,
Forgive me of everything, please. It kills me that I grieve you and I just keep doing it. Please help me.
Lord, also whatever it is that is messing with my thoughts now, please rid me of it or make it clear to me what it is. If you're trying to say something to me then tell me what it is. I'm way confused."
"...I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I don't feel in touch with anything right now. And it's not that I just don't care of I'm not trying, because you know good and well I care and I do indeed try to figure these things out. But I feel as if I'm the only person in this room that doesn't get it. WHY IS THAT? Why is this such a complicated thing God? I just really need you to show me you love me and not just because someone says you do, but I want to really feel it. I'm here. Take me. I know you're there because I've seen you move through actions I've done, but I feel alone right now and I am much lacking your comfort. Please do something for me."
It's pretty amazing now looking back on that night as I wrote this letter and realizing what was going on there. Apparently God was being silent to teach me. Some of the other track two sessions were over Forgiveness and God's Wrath. In the latter we talked about how God's wrath is really just God's patience. Two years ago I experienced a little bit of that. I wouldn't be surprised if I experienced it again one day. Honestly I had continued to feel like that for a while after I got back from SICM on and off. Oftentimes I have become very excited about doing something to help myself or others grow spiritually, but by the time I get to it I have completely lost the desire to do it. I definitely believe Satan to be behind such a thing. I didn't really start ACTUALLY connecting with God until I started trying to ACTUALLY listen. Listening is one of the things I've learned this past year. Looking back on your life in retrospect to see what you have learned and compare it to what you are currently learning. Looking ahead at different circumstances realizing what might be a good learning experience and expecting to learning something from it rather than being surprised.
Alright so back to things I've learned at SICM. One thing is just a basic principal: study the word and live your life by it. It's strange how such a simple idea becomes so hard to do. Maybe it is because Satan doesn't want us to. Anyway we had a Q&A time near the end of the conference and one of the questions was: "How do you get others excited about evangelism?" Geoff answered with such a simple and obvious answer, it's a wonder I didn't even think of it. All he said was something like show them where Jesus did it, where Jesus told his disciples to do it, and then tell them that since we are his disciples we should probably do it. Now this might not necessarily get someone excited about doing it, but if you are living your life to follow Jesus then I think it would have some power behind it. There is a struggle with getting excited about doing what God wants us to do. The best way I can figure to win that struggle is realize how much God loves us and that our strength is found in the joy he gives us. Even this sounds kind of simplistic and could be completely meaningless to someone, but the way to actually realize God's love for you is to ponder the ways he shows you and dwell on them. It's as simple as that. I told a story the other night at FOCUS about how when I met my host family I immediately clicked with my host dad, because he just got me. He wasn't just like me, but just understood me and could follow where my thoughts went. He could carry on good conversations with me and my random theories and crazy nonsensical ramblings. I really liked talking with him. Then I started thinking about how my dad and I don't really talk together very well and he thinks on a different frequency than I do. I've basically developed my own thought process that is much different than either of my parents, but I still have hints of them in me of course. Anyway after I thought about it a little I decided I would think of the qualities that my dad possessed that made him priceless. It didn't even take me one second. My dad loves me more than any other human being, besides my mom I guess. It's too much love to gauge. This is why I wouldn't trade my dad. It was funny when I had realized this I wrote a note on my hand to journal about it later, because that's what I did when I got an idea randomly. Brandon laughed at me when he read it, because it said "I don't 'click' with my dad, but I wouldn't trade him ever." So anyway I mentioned all of that to say that thinking about things like the love your father has for you, or whatever it may be, is a great way of energizing yourself when you realize that the joy you feel from that comes straight from our beloved God. Throughout my time in Washington I was overflowed with God's joy. I am so energized; so inspired. God's joy makes you humble; makes you a servant; makes you love others. When you find your joy in the Lord you become the person you were designed to be.
Something else I learned was more of a simplistic thing. I pretty much feel like I'm incompetent at any sort of real career worthy skill. I mean I definitely think I'm above average at several things, but they are pretty much things that aren't of any use career-wise. I'm not going to get paid for being better than most people at rock climbing or jumping over trash cans. The thing I realized is that God doesn't care. I know he's going to take care of me, but I still feel incompetent. I don't really feel competent enough to be a spiritual leader either. I just have to trust God that he will work through me. Every once in a while thoughts come to me that make me feel as if I'm wise, so apparently he does. Another thing is that I definitely feel that I have the potential to have a genuinely caring heart and loving attitude toware everyone. The joy that God gives me is powerfully changing me every day so I don't need to necessarily fret about what I'm good at.
At the Body Life session we shared our Psalms that we had written the day before. I really liked that worship experience. Our group really surprised the worship leader by how many people wanted to share their Psalm. It was really cool. We cried as we read our own. Smiled as we heard others read theirs. My favorite part of Body Life is that it is so "free for all" in the way that we worship. We shared Psalms, did various personal worship exercises (such as expressing our feelings toward God in art, nailing your sings on the cross, journaling, and etc), sang songs together, prayed together. We did whatever we wanted! I would like to share my Psalm with you though. Just keep in mind I wrote it all in one go and didn't do any editing so it's pure Matt-thought. Here it be:
"Lord, I want to know you.
I want to know you passionately
And embrace you with intensity.
I have a problem though:
It is hard for me to listen always,
Because I am an imperfect man.
So, I have one thing to ask you, Lord:
Would you help me as only you can
And open my ears and eyes to you?
More than anything, oh, Lord
I want to have nothing more
Than constant communication with you.
For then I could always know your will,
Better enabling me to be obedient
And also give back to you the joy you first gave me."
This was my second one that I felt a little more inspired with. The first one was pretty incohesive.
There were plenty of other things I learned, but I touched on some of the main things I journaled about throughout the week. If you read this whole thing then I just want you to know that I appreciate you and expect you to comment. :)
(By the way this is way too long to proofread so bear with any typos)
This was my second time to go to SICM and it was several times more beneficial for me than the first (probably about 100). They created some track two sessions for those of us who had been before so we didn't have to hear all of the same things over again and one of the topics we talked about was Spiritual Warfare. It was an interesting topic and it reminded me of how serious it is to watch out for demonic activity in my life. It's so easy to let Satan slowly take control of your actions if you aren't prepared to fight back. Thinking about this I realized that I had been affected by Satan the last SICM. I know it. Most of the week I felt a little depressed and this feeling grew stronger as the week progressed. By the time we had our "Body Life" session and had a huge worship night, I was just utterly confused and even doubting a lot of things. I was struggling with how my relationship with God didn't really seem existant. I have a note that I wrote to God during Body Life two years ago and I'll share parts of it to show my point:
"God,
Forgive me of everything, please. It kills me that I grieve you and I just keep doing it. Please help me.
Lord, also whatever it is that is messing with my thoughts now, please rid me of it or make it clear to me what it is. If you're trying to say something to me then tell me what it is. I'm way confused."
"...I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I don't feel in touch with anything right now. And it's not that I just don't care of I'm not trying, because you know good and well I care and I do indeed try to figure these things out. But I feel as if I'm the only person in this room that doesn't get it. WHY IS THAT? Why is this such a complicated thing God? I just really need you to show me you love me and not just because someone says you do, but I want to really feel it. I'm here. Take me. I know you're there because I've seen you move through actions I've done, but I feel alone right now and I am much lacking your comfort. Please do something for me."
It's pretty amazing now looking back on that night as I wrote this letter and realizing what was going on there. Apparently God was being silent to teach me. Some of the other track two sessions were over Forgiveness and God's Wrath. In the latter we talked about how God's wrath is really just God's patience. Two years ago I experienced a little bit of that. I wouldn't be surprised if I experienced it again one day. Honestly I had continued to feel like that for a while after I got back from SICM on and off. Oftentimes I have become very excited about doing something to help myself or others grow spiritually, but by the time I get to it I have completely lost the desire to do it. I definitely believe Satan to be behind such a thing. I didn't really start ACTUALLY connecting with God until I started trying to ACTUALLY listen. Listening is one of the things I've learned this past year. Looking back on your life in retrospect to see what you have learned and compare it to what you are currently learning. Looking ahead at different circumstances realizing what might be a good learning experience and expecting to learning something from it rather than being surprised.
Alright so back to things I've learned at SICM. One thing is just a basic principal: study the word and live your life by it. It's strange how such a simple idea becomes so hard to do. Maybe it is because Satan doesn't want us to. Anyway we had a Q&A time near the end of the conference and one of the questions was: "How do you get others excited about evangelism?" Geoff answered with such a simple and obvious answer, it's a wonder I didn't even think of it. All he said was something like show them where Jesus did it, where Jesus told his disciples to do it, and then tell them that since we are his disciples we should probably do it. Now this might not necessarily get someone excited about doing it, but if you are living your life to follow Jesus then I think it would have some power behind it. There is a struggle with getting excited about doing what God wants us to do. The best way I can figure to win that struggle is realize how much God loves us and that our strength is found in the joy he gives us. Even this sounds kind of simplistic and could be completely meaningless to someone, but the way to actually realize God's love for you is to ponder the ways he shows you and dwell on them. It's as simple as that. I told a story the other night at FOCUS about how when I met my host family I immediately clicked with my host dad, because he just got me. He wasn't just like me, but just understood me and could follow where my thoughts went. He could carry on good conversations with me and my random theories and crazy nonsensical ramblings. I really liked talking with him. Then I started thinking about how my dad and I don't really talk together very well and he thinks on a different frequency than I do. I've basically developed my own thought process that is much different than either of my parents, but I still have hints of them in me of course. Anyway after I thought about it a little I decided I would think of the qualities that my dad possessed that made him priceless. It didn't even take me one second. My dad loves me more than any other human being, besides my mom I guess. It's too much love to gauge. This is why I wouldn't trade my dad. It was funny when I had realized this I wrote a note on my hand to journal about it later, because that's what I did when I got an idea randomly. Brandon laughed at me when he read it, because it said "I don't 'click' with my dad, but I wouldn't trade him ever." So anyway I mentioned all of that to say that thinking about things like the love your father has for you, or whatever it may be, is a great way of energizing yourself when you realize that the joy you feel from that comes straight from our beloved God. Throughout my time in Washington I was overflowed with God's joy. I am so energized; so inspired. God's joy makes you humble; makes you a servant; makes you love others. When you find your joy in the Lord you become the person you were designed to be.
Something else I learned was more of a simplistic thing. I pretty much feel like I'm incompetent at any sort of real career worthy skill. I mean I definitely think I'm above average at several things, but they are pretty much things that aren't of any use career-wise. I'm not going to get paid for being better than most people at rock climbing or jumping over trash cans. The thing I realized is that God doesn't care. I know he's going to take care of me, but I still feel incompetent. I don't really feel competent enough to be a spiritual leader either. I just have to trust God that he will work through me. Every once in a while thoughts come to me that make me feel as if I'm wise, so apparently he does. Another thing is that I definitely feel that I have the potential to have a genuinely caring heart and loving attitude toware everyone. The joy that God gives me is powerfully changing me every day so I don't need to necessarily fret about what I'm good at.
At the Body Life session we shared our Psalms that we had written the day before. I really liked that worship experience. Our group really surprised the worship leader by how many people wanted to share their Psalm. It was really cool. We cried as we read our own. Smiled as we heard others read theirs. My favorite part of Body Life is that it is so "free for all" in the way that we worship. We shared Psalms, did various personal worship exercises (such as expressing our feelings toward God in art, nailing your sings on the cross, journaling, and etc), sang songs together, prayed together. We did whatever we wanted! I would like to share my Psalm with you though. Just keep in mind I wrote it all in one go and didn't do any editing so it's pure Matt-thought. Here it be:
"Lord, I want to know you.
I want to know you passionately
And embrace you with intensity.
I have a problem though:
It is hard for me to listen always,
Because I am an imperfect man.
So, I have one thing to ask you, Lord:
Would you help me as only you can
And open my ears and eyes to you?
More than anything, oh, Lord
I want to have nothing more
Than constant communication with you.
For then I could always know your will,
Better enabling me to be obedient
And also give back to you the joy you first gave me."
This was my second one that I felt a little more inspired with. The first one was pretty incohesive.
There were plenty of other things I learned, but I touched on some of the main things I journaled about throughout the week. If you read this whole thing then I just want you to know that I appreciate you and expect you to comment. :)
(By the way this is way too long to proofread so bear with any typos)
